Chapter Notes

Family and Community

10 min read

Family and Community

Love and dharma, which is righteous conduct or duty, are considered the flower and fruit of family life, as stated by Tiruvalluvar. This chapter explores the fundamental roles of both family and community in our lives.

The Importance of Family and Community

The chapter begins by posing two important questions:

  1. Why is the family unit important?
  2. What is a community and what is its role?

These questions guide our understanding of how these social structures shape individuals and society.

Family

Almost everyone lives in a family, which is the most fundamental and ancient unit of any society. In Indian society, there are diverse types of families.

  • Joint Family: This type of family involves several generations living together under one roof. It typically includes grandparents, parents, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, and cousins.
  • Nuclear Family: In contrast, a nuclear family is smaller, usually limited to a couple and their children, or sometimes a single parent with their children.
Example
In many Indian languages, the terms for family relationships are very specific. For instance, Hindi has distinct words like bua (father's sister), tau (father's elder brother), chacha (father's younger brother), mausi (mother's sister), nana (maternal grandfather), and nani (maternal grandmother). Interestingly, many Indian languages do not have a direct word for 'cousin', as cousins are often referred to simply as 'brothers' and 'sisters', highlighting the deep bonds within the extended family.

Roles and Responsibilities

Relationships within a family are built on strong foundations of love, care, cooperation, and interdependence. Cooperation means working together towards common goals. Every family member has a specific role and responsibility towards others.

  • Parents are primarily responsible for nurturing their children, helping them grow into happy individuals and responsible members of society.
  • Children, as they mature, gradually take on more responsibilities within the home, assisting other family members. Through daily involvement, children learn to contribute to household life and often absorb family traditions and practices passed down through generations.
Note
Following one's dharma, or performing one's duty, is a significant principle in Indian culture. The family acts as a 'school' where children learn crucial values such as ahimsa (non-violence), dāna (giving), sevā (service), and tyāga (sacrifice). Family members often prioritize the collective needs of the family over their individual desires.
Example
Shalini's Story (Kerala): Shalini lives in a joint family with her parents, younger brother, grandmother (Acchamma), paternal uncle (Chittappa), and aunt (Chitti), and her cousin (Chinni). When her uncle lost his job and faced financial difficulties, Shalini's parents demonstrated family support by buying new clothes for her uncle's family during the Onam festival, even if it meant Shalini had to settle for a simpler dress. This act taught Shalini about sharing and mutual support within the family.
Example
Tenzing's Story (Meghalaya): Tenzing's family shows how roles can adapt. When his mother became busy with a handicraft cooperative, his father actively took on more household chores, including cleaning and gardening, and helped his grandmother prepare food. Tenzing's grandmother shared wisdom and stories, while his grandfather helped with homework and was involved in social work, assisting neighbours during power failures or storms. This illustrates shared responsibilities and the active, diverse roles of all family members, including grandparents. Tenzing's parents also discuss special expenses and emphasize saving for future needs, showing joint decision-making and financial prudence.

Community

Families do not exist in isolation; they are connected to other families and the people around them. This larger group of connected people is called a community. The meaning of 'community' can vary depending on the context.

Members of a community come together for various reasons:

  • Celebrating festivals and organizing social events like feasts and weddings.
  • Providing mutual support, such as assisting with agricultural practices like land preparation, sowing, and harvesting in villages.
  • Establishing shared practices for using common natural resources like water, grazing lands, and forest produce. This is particularly true for many tribal communities and, to some extent, in rural Indian villages today. These unwritten 'rules' ensure secure access to resources but also imply specific duties for all families and individuals to ensure the community functions smoothly.
Example
The Bhil Community and Halma (Jhabua, Madhya Pradesh): The Bhil community faced a severe water crisis. Following their ancient halma tradition, which involves people coming together to support individuals or families in times of crisis, they collectively planted thousands of trees and dug trenches to conserve rainwater. This work was done as a duty towards their community and the environment, embodying the objective of serving Mother Earth. Shri Mahesh Sharma was recognized with the Padma Shri award in 2019 for his transformative work with the Bhil communities through the Shivganga movement.
Example
Chennai Floods (2015): During the devastating floods, many private groups, including spiritual and religious organizations, mobilized to cook and distribute large quantities of food to those in need, demonstrating spontaneous community support in an urban disaster.

Community support is not limited to rural areas or crises. It is also present in urban contexts.

Example
Kamal Parmar's Initiative (Ahmedabad, Gujarat): Over two decades ago, Kamal Parmar, an auto-fabrication workshop owner, started giving free evening tuition and dinner to underprivileged children who were out of school or had never attended. His initiative grew, attracting volunteers from local schools and even older students, who found the experience deeply rewarding. This story highlights the values of compassion, service, and the community's role in ensuring access to education for all children, regardless of their background.

New forms of communities have emerged, especially in urban areas. Residents' Welfare Associations (RWAs) are examples of communities that create their own rules and regulations concerning aspects like waste management, cleanliness of common areas, and pet care. Members of these communities actively participate in making these rules.

Note
Communities are ultimately interdependent. For instance, a Residents' Welfare Association relies on the trading community for supplies and municipal workers for waste management. In our complex societies, everyone depends on a network of other people and communities.

The concept of 'community' is highly flexible and can refer to various groups:

  • A jāti, or a subdivision of it.
  • A group of people sharing a particular religion, region, common work, or interest (e.g., Mumbai's Parsi community, Kerala's scientific community, a village's farming community).
  • Groups within a school, such as a class, sports community, National Service Scheme (NSS), National Cadet Corps (NCC), or various clubs.

Before we move on ...

  • Family forms the fundamental foundation of human society, where members ideally support each other in their duties and tasks.
  • Community, a larger social unit, also emphasizes mutual support among its members. The term 'community' is flexible and can be defined in many ways, encompassing diverse kinds of groups.
  • Ultimately, all communities are interdependent, relying on each other for various needs and services.

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